Exhibition case backs. If I see one more glass window on the back of a watch I'm going to yak. I don't know how long exhibition case backs have been around but ENOUGH ALREADY. It's like a fad that won't go away.
I get the impression that manufacturers of cheap watches use the transparent back to prove that their claim of automatic movements is genuine. Then they go ahead and decorate and doll up the rotor on their questionable movements so you don't feel like you've been ripped off for having bought a 99 cent watch for $100. Now I admit that I own several watches with see-through backs like Alpha and Seiko but I didn't buy them because of the glass. Maybe I'm supposed to take my watch off during the day to stare at the movement and marvel at it. Maybe I can use the exhibition back to attract potential mates. Hmmmm. "That's right, baby, 21 jewels. How 'bout we go to the park and watch the submarine races?"
I can understand the fascination of the first time watch owner who is blown away by all the little moving parts. It's like a fishbowl. You look in and watch the fish swim back and forth over and over and over again. But they're never really going to do anything different or somehow surprise you with new tricks. So after awhile you stop looking and begin to wish that that fishbowl on your wrist had a real caseback.
What surprises me is that even Rolex and Omega, among others, now have models with these backs.
Invicta. Why do you make a watch that I can't wear. I'm afraid that if I wore an Invicta watch people aren't going to say "Wow, that's a really nice big watch you're wearing". What they'll say is "Damn, are you dying or just shrinking?" And Eyal Lalo, I've seen you on ShopNBC and you know what, you look a little embarrassed hawking your gigantic novelty watches. And another thing, you can stop stamping the name Invicta into the case sides of your watches, or is that the only thing keeping Rolex from suing you?
Casio. You make great watches that have wide appeal and have stood the test of time. However, someone in your company came up with the names Gulfman, Riseman, Mudman and Baby G. Fire this person.
Entry Level. When anyone says that a product is "entry level". What the hell does that mean? This has got to be one of the most idiotic and condescending phrases I've ever heard. This phrase implies that the watch or tool or motorcycle or house that you just bought labels you as a beginner, immature and naive. Better think about upgrading or they'll laugh at you.
Can I infer by this phrase that the manufacturers of fine watches, motorcycles, tools, etc. also produce a line of crap suitable only for the imbecilic novice who isn't ready for a real man's watch or a real man's motorcycle. Must I work my way up the model line or am I just going to be a constant source of shame to my family and friends.
What if I started with the most expensive model? Would that not be my "entry level" item? Would I be pressured into buying the next level down? Whatever, salesass. I'm happy with my "entry level" watch and my "entry level" bike and my "entry level" wife so I have no need to upgrade just to make you a buck.
Someday I hope to have a conversation that includes the following: "You don't want that casket, that's an "entry level" casket".
Presence on the wrist. When I read anywhere that a watch has "more presence on the wrist" I cringe a little. You mean it's a big watch. So just say it's a big watch. You, the salesman, are stuck with a line of watches that are too big for humans to wear so you have to come up with bullshit doubletalk like "more presence on the wrist" to sucker in customers with girly wrists. Shame on you.
Movado Museum watch. Mies van der Rohe's philosophy was "Less is more". In the case of the Movado Museum watch, less, is actually less. How does a quartz watch with no hour markers, no minute markers and no second hand qualify as a quality timepiece? Obviously, accurate timekeeping is not the prime directive of this watch nor is the water resistance which is a mere 30m. Therefore the watch should only be worn as an accessory and a real watch should be kept handy just in case. I think it would be funny if I asked a guy wearing a Movado Museum watch if he had the correct time and he said "I don't know". Ah, fashion.
Any watch that comes in pink.
American Watch Manufacturers. There are no substantial American watch manufacturers anymore. Sorry Timex, the Virgin Islands is not the 51st state.
Unruly Arm Hair. When I turn the bezel on my O & W Ranger I invariably grab some hairs and tear them out of my arm.
Any Quartz Rolex.
When A Watch Salesman tells me that Casio makes the best G-Shocks.
When A Watch Salesman told me that he spent $3,000 to customize a $1,000 Tag Heuer but didn't know what movement was in the watch.
Tourneau-Roosevelt Field. For telling me I'd have to wait four hours to have my watch bracelet sized while another customer, who arrived after me, was taken care of immediately and left after only five minutes. Those big tits sure come in handy sometimes.
A special award goes to the Tourneau salesman who held up a Luminox 3901 with tritium tubes to a light bulb to "charge it up" for me. Moron.
Overall an award goes to Tourneau for charging full retail on everything in the place.
Well, that's it for now. If there's anything else I can think of I'll be sure to tack it on. Better yet, I'd like to hear your gripes and peaves and we could bitch together. Bye.
Addendum, 11/27/09:
In order to dispel any doubt regarding the exhibition casebacks used by both Rolex and Omega, I submit these images of the Rolex Cellini Prince, circa 2008 and the Omega Aqua Terra, circa 2009.
Back of the Rolex Cellini Prince.
Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra Chronometer in stainless steel and 18k rose gold. Ref. 2303.30.00
